Building a Family as a Single Parent through Surrogacy

I didn't go into the surrogacy process thinking I would be a single parent but in life things happen and you must roll with the punches.

I am often asked, "what was it like being a lone with Luca in Mexico for 4 months after he was born."  There were definitely stressful moments, especially because I do not understand/speak Spanish.  I've always been a self sufficient person and having to rely on others to make Luca's pediatrician appointments and schedule taxis (that sometimes never showed up) was incredibly difficult for me and something I don't think I'll ever get used to.

Care Surrogacy Mexico is contacted daily by many single individuals…straight and gay.  If you are female you first need to see your obgyn and have the necessary tests done..(fertility, etc.)  From there you can make a decision on whether you will be using your own eggs or a donor egg.  You also choose a sperm donor if you do not already have someone in mind.  If you are male you will also be required to have your fertility tested to see if you sperm is functioning.   Male clients can use a donor egg…some have even had a friend donate their eggs for the surrogacy.  

Female clients that are using their own eggs will fly to Mexico City, meet with the doctor to start the egg stimulation/transfer process.  Then after about 10-12 days the doctor will implant the eggs into the surrogate.  Afterwards you can fly back home and wait for your pregnancy results.  (If you are using a friend's sperm it's considerate to pay for his travel expenses to Mexico)

Male clients who are using their sperm will fly to Mexico City a day or two before the scheduled egg transfer so the doctor make collect their sperm sample.  After that you are free to leave.  (If you are using a friend's eggs it's considerate to pay for their travel expenses to Mexico)

An important factor to keep in mind as a single parent going through surrogacy is the financial burden.  You do not have two incomes so it's best to set a side extra money.  You will need funds to fly to Mexico City and your stay there as well as Villahermosa when the baby is born.  You will also need available funds for the babies medical expenses, (pediatrician/shots), the ministry for the birth certificate, the embassy for the passport, transportation, food, etc.  Yes, Mexico is less expensive than the U.S. and the U.K. but expenses add up.  You should go into your surrogacy quest mentally and financially prepared.  

Testing your Fertility

If you have baby on your mind then you should also be thinking about fertility testing too.  

Recently I have been talking with several couples whom their doctor told them traditional conception was practically out of the question.  This news can be devastating for anyone…especially a woman because your ability to make a baby is so wrapped up with your identity as a woman.  

My advice…Don't wait until your 35, when you've conquered your career and travel bug to find out you've run out of options.  You get a pap smear every year, right?  Why not schedule testing for your fertility.  Not saying that you want to start your family right away, but to prepare for the future.  To know what you are up against.  Having your fertility and hormone levels checked yearly is a great way to prepare for baby.  

If you have irregular or absent menstrual cycles, very painful periods, or a history of a pelvic infection, a ruptured appendix, or known endometriosis you should definitely have your fertility and hormone levels checked.  Having trouble conceiving for several months or worrying excessively about it are also signs you might want to get your fertility checked out, regardless of your age.

If you or someone you know are considering the gestational surrogacy path you  must have your fertility and hormones level tested.  

Here are a list of questions for you to ask at your check-up…

• How do smoking, alcohol and illegal drug use in either partner affect fertility?

• What would be an ideal weight for me to be at?

• Which vitamins should I be taking?

• Is there anything my partner and I can do to improve our chances?

• Are there any health issues I’m at risk for or need to take care of before fertility?

• Is my age an issue?

• Are there any unsafe chemicals I should stay away from?

Topics to Talk About:

• You and your partner’s medical, surgical, reproductive and family histories

• Genetic conditions at risk

• Immunizations and vaccinations

• Ways to improve overall health

• Potential health problems or hazards you could run into

• Family concerns that could affect your health, such as lack of support

• Sexually transmitted diseases

Even if, you’ve been seeing your doctor for years, don’t assume he or she remembers everything about you. Talk about your health history, lifestyle factors, and home and workplace environment...especially if you have any concerns about any of them. Whatever your questions, it’s likely you’ll return home with a wealth of knowledge.  Your doctor will likely have pamphlets to help you keep track of all the information he or she shares but, if not, consider taking notes, so you don’t forget!

Source: http://www.theafa.org

Why Choose Surrogacy? Part 1

Why do people choose surrogacy to start a family?  You're first thought is probably infertility.  Where infertility is a common issue among couples it is not the only hurdle in the way of having a baby.  

Many women…one being me, suffer from Anti-phosphlipid Anti-body Syndrome (APS).  I spoke about this in my pervious blogs & vlogs before I had my son.  I was born with this autoimmune disease and did not find out until I was in my 20's.  

What is APS?  

Antiphospholipid (AN-te-fos-fo-LIP-id) antibody syndrome (APS) is an autoimmune disorder. Autoimmune disorders occur if the body's immune system makes antibodies that attack and damage tissues or cells. 

Antibodies are a type of protein. They usually help defend the body against infections. In APS, however, the body makes antibodies that mistakenly attack phospholipids—a type of fat. 

Phospholipids are found in all living cells and cell membranes, including blood cells and the lining of blood vessels.

When antibodies attack phospholipids, cells are damaged. This damage causes blood clots to form in the body's arteries and veins. (These are the vessels that carry blood to your heart and body.)

Usually, blood clotting is a normal bodily process. Blood clots help seal small cuts or breaks on blood vessel walls. This prevents you from losing too much blood. In APS, however, too much blood clotting can block blood flow and damage the body's organs. http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov

APS can cause pregnancy-related problems, such as multiple miscarriages, a miscarriage late in pregnancy, or a premature birth due to eclampsia. (Eclampsia, which follows preeclampsia, is a serious condition that causes seizures in pregnant women.)  http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov

Very rarely, some people who have APS develop many blood clots within weeks or months.  This condition is called catastrophic antiphospholipid syndrome (CAPS).  *This happened to me with all 4 of my pregnancies.  http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov

In short this is a blood clotting disease that causes re-occurrent miscarriages due to blood clots.  I have been pregnant 4 times and unfortunately suffered 4 miscarriages.  I was even on blood thinners during my pregnancies and still developed a blood clot in my uterus.  I have seen many doctors because of this.  I treated with the  Director of Maternal Fetal Medicine at Magee Women hospital and a hematologist at the Hillman Cancer Center.  

Getting pregnant wasn't the problem.  It was staying pregnant and of course not hemorrhaging when I delivered the baby.  I threw myself into researching this disease and joined support groups that involved other women like myself.  I spoke with a woman who had 7 miscarriages!  God bless her for not giving up!  She now has 2 healthy children.  

The doctors at Magee were puzzled by my case.  I spent most of my pregnancies in the hospital.  This was incredibly stressful for my family and I.  And by the way…people say some of the worst things when you are going through something like this.  "Maybe kids aren't in the cards for you", "Why don't you just adopt?"  These aren't words that anyone with APS of infertility issues wants to hear.  

I never gave up hope.  I always wanted to be a mother and raise a family of my own.  CARE Surrogacy Mexico gave me just that.  My life had purpose when my son Luca was born.  I am not bitter about my miscarriages or all of the tests I had to go through.  Everything led me to where I am today and I am better equipped to help other couples going through the same issues.  

If you or someone you know is battling APS or infertility issues please do not hesitate to contact me. 

Peace, Love and CARE, 

Carmela 

Emotional challenges during surrogacy

Infertility is a common problem for many couples wanting to start a family.  There are many different resolutions available for those who want to share in the glee of raising a child together, one of which is surrogacy. 

Surrogacy can bring out many emotional challenges for those involved.  I went through a phase when my surrogate was pregnant with my son.  I felt I was missing out on connecting with him because I wasn't carrying him myself.  I worried that we wouldn't bond right away.  I read many books that the baby recognizes the mother (or in my case, surrogate's) voice, so this was a concern for me because he never heard my voice until he was born.  

Complicated feelings and emotions are involved in the surrogacy process from the beginning.  There is no question about that.  The key is to address these concerns before the surrogacy process has begun.  

I know what it feels like to carry a baby.  I have been pregnant 4 times and unfortunately suffered 4 miscarriages.  (due to anti-phosphlipid anti-body syndrome).  

Having a supportive partner, family and circle of friends truly helps.  Talking with couples who have gone through the surrogacy process is vital as well.  The constant updates I received about my surrogate and baby helped ease my nerves and also keep my excited about the arrival of my son.  There are many useful surrogacy books written by authors who have been Intended Parents…

*Surrogacy was the way: Twenty Intended Mothers tell their stories.  by, Zara Griswold

* I got drunk at my baby shower: Our successful surrogacy story.  by, Susan Bowen and Heidi Thompson

* The journey of same sex surrogacy: Discovering Ultimate Joy.  by, Jason Warner

Stocking your Daddy Diaper Bag

Having a well stocked diaper bag is key to getting out the door and being prepared for the unexpected.  The days of rushing out are gone.  Believe me!  This baby will add at least 30 minutes to your efforts of being anywhere on time.

If you are not already an organized person I suggest you become one. LOL!

I receive a lot of help from my boyfriend with Luca and I am fortunate that he is experienced with babies and children.  To make things a bit easier on the three of us I created a diaper bag inventory list so he/we have everything needed for Luca while out and about.

Men and simple creatures.  There is no need to make the list overwhelming.  This can also be used for your nanny or grammy too.

• Changing Pad
• Diapers/1 per hour
• Baby Wipes and Diaper Rash Cream
• Hand Sanitizer
• Disposable Bags
• 2-3 Baby Bottles & Filtered Water
• Baby Formula
• Blanket & Burp Cloth
• Pacifier w/clip on attachment/Teething ring 
• Sunblock
• Tissues
• Hat
• Phone Charger
• Emergency Phone #'s

This inventory list will change as your baby grows.  Eventually baby formula will be replaced with baby food and snacks.  On my emergency phone number list I have Luca's pediatrician, my ex-husband and my mother.  

I hope this helps you stock your daddy diaper bag and get out of the house on time.  

Peace, Love & CARE,

Carmela 

Your Care Surrogacy Mexico Packing List

The magical time has finally arrived for you to welcome your baby into the world!  But first you need to pack.  I get asked many questions regarding what to bring to Villahermosa, MX and what exactly is available here.

First, let me just begin by telling you I did not have time to pack!  Luca was born 6 weeks early.  I received the phone call while having dinner with friends.  The next day I was on a flight to Mexico.  I didn't even have a baby shower!  All I had with me was a car seat and 3 onesies.  (of course they did not fit him because he was so tiny).  I was not able to bring my stroller because I was traveling a lone and couldn't carry everything.  It was one of the most stressful times of my life but I made the journey to welcome my son.

Luca stayed in the hospital for 3 weeks to get stronger and gain weight.  I had some time to prepare for what I needed.  The downside to this was I had to spend a lot of money.  Think of everything you may need for a newborn and then think of buying it all at once.  That's exactly what I had to do!

If you are like me you will be in a hotel.  I was in a hotel for a month and now I have a house. (Because I am working/living here).  One of the biggest downsides to the hotel was not being able to sterilize bottles in my room.  I would send the bottles with the maid twice a day to be sterilized.  Everyone was eager to help me because I had this tiny baby and I was doing it all a lone.

So here is my packing list for Villahermosa…I am sure I will need to add/edit this in the future.

1. Carseat…one that has been tried and tested.  The drivers here are crazy!
2. Stroller
3. Co-sleeper:  http://www.burlingtoncoatfactory.com/babydepot/BABY/Shop-Online-For/Activity/Infant-Sleep-Positioners/By-Your-Side-153-Co-sleeper-Tan-337142465.aspx
4. Receiving blankets (8) you can line the co-sleeper with them too.
5. Bodysuits/Onesies.  You can never have too many of these!
6. Socks
7. Caps/Hats
8. Seasonal Outerwear.  It's cold in the A/C but hot/humid outside every day.
9. Diaper Bag
10. Bibs
11. Burp Cloths
12. Bottles (6) You can always buy more once you get here.
13. Pacifiers (3)
14. Bottle Brush
15. First Aid Kit
16. Baby Nail Clippers
17. A small tupperware container for baby formula
18. Baby Carrie/Wrap

And anything you think you may need you can buy here.  Yes, they have shopping malls, supermarkets, Walmart.  The biggest pain will be sterilizing the bottles…but you have to do it! 

Throw out the plan now.  Trust me it doesn't work!  Your baby will arrive when he/she is ready.  Just have fun with it and take in the moment because trust me, it goes by so fast and they change so quickly from day to day.  

I made this list short because most of you are traveling by plane; some a lone.  With the weight restrictions it's not possible to bring everything.  Set some money a side for when you are here to buy the things you need.  

I did not list diapers or formula because I chose to use what the hospital provided for Luca.  When I learned of his release date I purchased the diapers, wipes, formula, shampoo and creams.  

Buy your formula, diapers, creams, medicines, shampoos at the Ahorro Pharmacy!  It's very inexpensive and they have them all over the city.  Shop at Walmart, Liverpool, and Sanborns to save money on the extras. 

I hope this list helps you and I cannot wait to meet your baby and you in Villahermosa!

My FIRST Mother's Day…Finally!

Someone asked me the other day what I wanted for Mother’s Day and I laughed.  What? LOL!  I bought myself a Mother’s Day present a while ago. And, if there were anything in the world that I wanted right now that I do not already have, it would be one day to sleep in.

This weekend marks my first Mother’s Day.  My first official Mother’s Day with an actual baby in my arms.  My baby Luca!

I have gone through many Mother’s Days as an unofficial mom. Four miscarriages due to a rare blood clotting disease.

But this time, after those four Mother’s Days, I get to be included and my best friends know how much this means to me.

My celebration was not a fancy affair, but it was incredibly special…thanks to my sweet boyfriend.  I didn't get to sleep in.  Or have a day without doing dishes or laundry. I did not get breakfast in bed or the day off.

After all, it’s just Luca and I.

But I get to wake up and pick my baby up out of his crib.

I get to kiss him right where his neck meets his cheeks, which he loves.

I get to cuddle him while he drinks his morning bottle and listens to chakra balancing music.

I get to lay him on the couch, and lean in while he rubs his hands on my face.

I get to pick out his clothes for the day and get him dressed.

I get to put him in his car seat and take him with me to my new favorite restaurant for my first Mother's Day celebration. 

I get to enjoy the compliments all day about how precious he is.

I get to lay on the bed with him while he figures out how to roll over.

I get to run his bath and watch him enjoy the warm water while he sucks on the wash cloth.

I get to rub him down with baby lotion.

I get to find him some soft, comfortable pajamas, and snuggle with him on my lap when he has them on.

I get to wash his bottles and fill them back up so they are ready for the next day.

I get to wash his clothes and make sure they are clean and comfortable for him to wear for the week.

I get to go to bed, knowing that my baby is in the next room sleeping peacefully, and I get to experience all of it again the next day. A day that’s not even Mother’s Day.

I get to do all of that. ME…Finally!

This is what I have been waiting for.  I feel complete.  I feel like I finally found my reason for being here  I am happy, and I am so completely in love that there are days I can’t even handle it.

On Mother’s Day, I will always look back to his birth and remember his first cry.  Touching his face as soon as he was born.  Holding him and looking at that sweet, scrunched up face.  Having our first moments together a lone.  Having our first night together alone. (I didn't sleep the entire night!)

I am so so unbelievably grateful.  So blessed.  So happy.  So complete.  So rich.  So loved.  I mean…how does it ever get any better than this?

Happy Mother’s Day to me!

And Happy Mother’s Day to all of the other moms out there.

The new moms.
The veteran moms.
The pregnant moms.
The adoptive moms.
The moms that experienced loss.
The aunts.
The grandmas.
The sisters.
The nieces.
The cousins.
The guardians.
The godmothers.
The fur moms.

Anyone that experiences that kind of love for someone else…And a special thank you to my Care Surrogacy Mexico Family for making my dreams come true!  I have a beautiful healthy baby boy and a job that I absolutely LOVE!! 

Happy Mother’s Day,

Carmela