Why Choose Surrogacy? Part 1

Why do people choose surrogacy to start a family?  You're first thought is probably infertility.  Where infertility is a common issue among couples it is not the only hurdle in the way of having a baby.  

Many women…one being me, suffer from Anti-phosphlipid Anti-body Syndrome (APS).  I spoke about this in my pervious blogs & vlogs before I had my son.  I was born with this autoimmune disease and did not find out until I was in my 20's.  

What is APS?  

Antiphospholipid (AN-te-fos-fo-LIP-id) antibody syndrome (APS) is an autoimmune disorder. Autoimmune disorders occur if the body's immune system makes antibodies that attack and damage tissues or cells. 

Antibodies are a type of protein. They usually help defend the body against infections. In APS, however, the body makes antibodies that mistakenly attack phospholipids—a type of fat. 

Phospholipids are found in all living cells and cell membranes, including blood cells and the lining of blood vessels.

When antibodies attack phospholipids, cells are damaged. This damage causes blood clots to form in the body's arteries and veins. (These are the vessels that carry blood to your heart and body.)

Usually, blood clotting is a normal bodily process. Blood clots help seal small cuts or breaks on blood vessel walls. This prevents you from losing too much blood. In APS, however, too much blood clotting can block blood flow and damage the body's organs. http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov

APS can cause pregnancy-related problems, such as multiple miscarriages, a miscarriage late in pregnancy, or a premature birth due to eclampsia. (Eclampsia, which follows preeclampsia, is a serious condition that causes seizures in pregnant women.)  http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov

Very rarely, some people who have APS develop many blood clots within weeks or months.  This condition is called catastrophic antiphospholipid syndrome (CAPS).  *This happened to me with all 4 of my pregnancies.  http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov

In short this is a blood clotting disease that causes re-occurrent miscarriages due to blood clots.  I have been pregnant 4 times and unfortunately suffered 4 miscarriages.  I was even on blood thinners during my pregnancies and still developed a blood clot in my uterus.  I have seen many doctors because of this.  I treated with the  Director of Maternal Fetal Medicine at Magee Women hospital and a hematologist at the Hillman Cancer Center.  

Getting pregnant wasn't the problem.  It was staying pregnant and of course not hemorrhaging when I delivered the baby.  I threw myself into researching this disease and joined support groups that involved other women like myself.  I spoke with a woman who had 7 miscarriages!  God bless her for not giving up!  She now has 2 healthy children.  

The doctors at Magee were puzzled by my case.  I spent most of my pregnancies in the hospital.  This was incredibly stressful for my family and I.  And by the way…people say some of the worst things when you are going through something like this.  "Maybe kids aren't in the cards for you", "Why don't you just adopt?"  These aren't words that anyone with APS of infertility issues wants to hear.  

I never gave up hope.  I always wanted to be a mother and raise a family of my own.  CARE Surrogacy Mexico gave me just that.  My life had purpose when my son Luca was born.  I am not bitter about my miscarriages or all of the tests I had to go through.  Everything led me to where I am today and I am better equipped to help other couples going through the same issues.  

If you or someone you know is battling APS or infertility issues please do not hesitate to contact me. 

Peace, Love and CARE, 

Carmela 

Using Pre-Sterilized Disposable Baby Bottles while traveling around Mexico

When you are traveling around Mexico with your new baby a pre-sterilized, disposable baby bottle can come in handy.  

Steri-bottle is a pre-sterilized disposable baby bottle.  You do not need to wash and sterilize the bottle.  It is ready to use right out of the box and comes complete with nipples.  It is also 100% recycled plastic PP unlike most disposable bottles that are bad for the environment.  Steri-bottle is BPA and phthalate free.  


These bottles are also great for outings and daycare.  Each box contains 10 bottles with nipples and their caps.  They are hygienically packed and stacked into 2 resealing bags of 5 and the nipples in 2 dispensing sleeves of 5.  The nipple features an anti-colic valve and is made of safe TPE.  


I would have much rather used these bottles every time I had to fly to Mexico City from Villahermosa with Luca and when we made the big trip to Pittsburgh.  I will definitely be packing these for future outings and trips.  


Order your Steri-bottle at www.amazon.com 

How to safely wash your baby in the hotel bathroom after surrogacy|CARE Surrogacy Mexico

What to expect at the U.S. Embassy for your baby's passport appointment.

I write this article from my own personal experience with the U.S. Embassy.  CARE Surrogacy Mexico has clients all over the world so this article will only be helpful if you are applying for a U.S. passport for your baby.  

You MUST bring your appointment invitation with you.  You will receive it via email.  You are not getting past the first guard without it.  You will also need your passport, CARE Surrogacy Mexico contract, baby's birth certificate from Tabasco, shot records from pediatrician in Tabasco, any if all hospital info when your baby was born, passport application, passport photo of your baby…(do not wait to take the picture at the embassy.  It's a mad house there and your baby's eyes must be open or they will not take or accept the picture.)  There are many photo places around the U.S. Embassy in Mexico City you can do this and not be rushed).  Your birth certificate, marriage license if married, divorce decree if divorced, photo copy of your driver's license, copy of wire transfer to CARE, any email correspondence is helpful as well. 

Get a file folder that is secure to bring with you.  This is a lot of important info you will be carrying with you.  

If your appointment is scheduled for 8:15 a.m. you should arrive at least one hour prior to that.  There will be security lines and people tend to jump a head of you.  Don't be afraid to wave your appointment invitation around to get the guards attention.  Everyone else does. 

Do not bring a laptop or iPad into the embassy.  You can bring your phone; however, the guard will give you a ticket number and take your phone.  You will receive it once your appointment has ended.  

You are allowed to bring diapers, formula, baby gear into the embassy.  I suggest making 2-3 bottles before you arrive.  Don't try bringing the water.  They will make you dump it out.  If the bottle is already made the guard won't give you a hard time.  

There are vending machines with soda and water if you need more.  

Once you go through the first 2 security check points a guard will escort you to the elevators to the designated floor of your appointment.  No one is allowed to roam around the embassy.  For the ladies…there is 1, yes 1 restroom (1 toilet) and a changing table.  

The embassy's job is to protect this baby so don't be alarmed when they ask you a series of questions.  Over the past 4 years surrogacy abroad has become very popular among Americans.  

I would be very surprised if you received your baby's passport on the first appointment.  I was told by the vice consulate that "the new standard for all U.S. couples doing surrogacy will need to take a DNA test".  Even I had to.  

When and if this happens the embassy will give you a document requesting the DNA test with a list of authorized labs in the U.S. for you to call.  YOU must call the lab, ask them to send the DNA test to the U.S. embassy in Mexico City.  I suggest you have it expedited.  The embassy will contact you when the DNA kit arrives.  You will then go back to the embassy for your test.  Afterwards the embassy will send the DNA kit back to the lab in the U.S. (have this expedited as well) and you will wait for the results.  Again, the embassy will inform you of your results.  If everything is positive and you are in fact the baby's mother or father you will go back to the embassy once more and finally receive your baby's passport.  

I realize this is a lot and trust me it is difficult to do a lone with a baby, but if I can do it so can you.  It's all about planning and following procedure.  Listen to what Ivan (surrogate attorney) and the embassy instruct you to do.  

If you have any questions about this process please do not hesitate to contact me.  I am happy to chat with all CARE Surrogacy Mexico clients.  

Peace, Love and CARE

Carmela 

Flying with your baby after surrogacy

Traveling with your baby can be overwhelming and stressful.  Especially if you are doing it a lone like I have been.  Most pediatricians recommend keeping your newborn at home to establish a routine and avoid sickness; however, travel is sometimes necessary.  I have found several ways to make the trips safe and easy for my baby and I.  

A common question when it comes to babies flying is, how young is too young?  When your baby is born in the state of Tabasco the law states that you cannot fly with a newborn until they are over a week old.  During this time you will be waiting for your ministry appointment (birth certificate) anyway so you cannot go anywhere without that.  My sons pediatrician advised me to wait until he had his first round of vaccinations to travel by plane.  There are also airline policies that require passengers be at least 2 weeks old before boarding.  You will need to carry your baby's birth certificate, passport (if you have it) and shot records with you in your carry-on or diaper bag.  The airline will definitely check the birth certificate and sometimes they check the shot records…it's a small booklet. 

Pack plenty of formula, feeding supplies, diapers, wipes, ointment, at least 2 pacifiers & the clip for the clothes, 2 changes of clothes for baby and 1 for you (you will get puked and peed on, I promise!), baby shampoo or wash in case your little one has a poop explosion, hand sanitizer and hand cream, blankets and burp cloths.  The planes and airport are cold for a baby so dress he or she warm.  Wait until you go through security to purchase bottled water for the formula.  

Book and aisle seat for the legroom and space for your diaper bag.  You will also have easy access to the restroom.  Check your bags curbside…especially if you are a lone with a baby, diaper bag, stroller/car seat, and 2 suitcases!  

Keep your stroller with you in the airport.  The agent will give you a sticker for it and you can literally walk with your baby in the stroller right onto the plane and a ramp agent will take it for you.  It's usually free.  This is a huge help for solo travelers!  

Good to know:

You will have to pee at some point during the flight…unless you are wearing a diaper, kindly ask the flight attendant to hold the baby so you can relieve yourself.  They are usually happy to do this and it's a much better idea to ask them rather than your sleeping neighbor.  

Be sure to change your baby's diaper right before boarding.  

If you do not want to bring your stroller use a baby carrier/wrap.  This usually keeps the baby pretty calm being so close to mom.

Pack some healthy snacks for yourself and stay hydrated. 

If your baby starts to cry…and he or she will at some point.  Don't worry about what the people around you think.  They'll get over it.  Sing quietly to your baby.  This will soothe he or she and everyone will be calm again.  

Use your miles.  If you have the extra miles or money book first class.  The extra room and service is worth it!

People will help you!  Other mom's and dad's.  You'd be surprised who will lend a hand.  

Safe travels!

Peace, Love and CARE,

Carmela 

Buying Baby Gear on a Budget

Some of you may have started the surrogacy process with us or are still in the research phase.  One of the biggest concerns for a couple is cost.  Cost of surrogacy, travel, and of course baby gear!  Between the Internet, parenting magazines, and TV commercials knowing exactly what you should buy for your baby can be confusing.  I have put together a helpful guide to navigate the baby product buying system and how to save.  It can be done!  Even if you are a single parent!  

* When your baby is born in the hospital they will send you home with a bag of baby products.  i.e. lotion, diaper ointment, baby wash, diapers, alcohol swabs, nasal aspirator, thermometer, disposable nipples for the bottles and fragrance free baby wipes.  Yep!  I got all this when Luca was discharged!  It's saved me around $50!  

* When the time is right and you feel like sharing your expecting baby news with friends and family hopefully you will receive lots of goodies like I did!  The is especially helpful when you're a single parent and these items arrive already assembled!  I was super fortunate that many of my girlfriends have baby boys. They gave me tons of clothes, bouncers, walkers, play-mats, pack and play, shoes and toys. The best part…It's all FREE! 

* The clearance racks at department stores and Target should be the first place you check for clothes, shoes and accessories.  Be careful with buying clothing too far in advance.  Babies can have sudden growth spurts.  For example, my son is 4 1/2 months old and is growing out of 6 months clothing.  You should also check out you local consignment stores.  

* Look for multi-functional furniture and accessories.  Furniture and strollers that change with your growing baby.  Changing table/dressing combo/crib, high chairs that can be converted into a booster seat and then a regular chair and cribs that can be transformed into a toddler bed.  

* Do not buy…or return crib pillows.  SIDS…Sudden Infant Death Syndrome hazard.  

* Diapers- Go Big or Go Home!  I am serious about this.  Try to buy them at Costco or Sam's Club.  You can save around $176 a year! 

* Strollers should be tested before bought.  When I baby sat for my friend and used hers I could hardly steer it and it was very heavy and difficult to open and close.  The is crucial if you will be doing things on your own!  And expensive doesn't always mean better. 

* Stock your car.  Keep a bag or small container of a few diapers, ointment, wipes, an extra outfit and a pacifier.  If you happen to forget something while you are out…trust me you will, there is a back up waiting for you and you will not need to spend the extra money to buy something.  

* Your pediatrician's office has samples and coupons for you…you just need to ask.  

*Sign up for you favorite diaper brand, formula, skincare newsletters.  They will send you coupon offers and there is always some type of contest…a.k.a. more free stuff! 

*Like their social media page.  You will receive an offer code.  It's usually a few dollars off of their items. 

* Make your own baby food.  It's healthier and safer for you little one.  All it takes is time management.  The Internet is packed with baby food recipes.

* Get family to baby sit when you are working or busy.  You don't need to pay them.

* Make a monthly budget and stick to it.  I did this right before Luca was born because my funds were/are tight.  

Happy Baby Gear Shopping!

Peace, Love and CARE,

Carmela 

Emotional challenges during surrogacy

Infertility is a common problem for many couples wanting to start a family.  There are many different resolutions available for those who want to share in the glee of raising a child together, one of which is surrogacy. 

Surrogacy can bring out many emotional challenges for those involved.  I went through a phase when my surrogate was pregnant with my son.  I felt I was missing out on connecting with him because I wasn't carrying him myself.  I worried that we wouldn't bond right away.  I read many books that the baby recognizes the mother (or in my case, surrogate's) voice, so this was a concern for me because he never heard my voice until he was born.  

Complicated feelings and emotions are involved in the surrogacy process from the beginning.  There is no question about that.  The key is to address these concerns before the surrogacy process has begun.  

I know what it feels like to carry a baby.  I have been pregnant 4 times and unfortunately suffered 4 miscarriages.  (due to anti-phosphlipid anti-body syndrome).  

Having a supportive partner, family and circle of friends truly helps.  Talking with couples who have gone through the surrogacy process is vital as well.  The constant updates I received about my surrogate and baby helped ease my nerves and also keep my excited about the arrival of my son.  There are many useful surrogacy books written by authors who have been Intended Parents…

*Surrogacy was the way: Twenty Intended Mothers tell their stories.  by, Zara Griswold

* I got drunk at my baby shower: Our successful surrogacy story.  by, Susan Bowen and Heidi Thompson

* The journey of same sex surrogacy: Discovering Ultimate Joy.  by, Jason Warner