Emotional challenges during surrogacy

Infertility is a common problem for many couples wanting to start a family.  There are many different resolutions available for those who want to share in the glee of raising a child together, one of which is surrogacy. 

Surrogacy can bring out many emotional challenges for those involved.  I went through a phase when my surrogate was pregnant with my son.  I felt I was missing out on connecting with him because I wasn't carrying him myself.  I worried that we wouldn't bond right away.  I read many books that the baby recognizes the mother (or in my case, surrogate's) voice, so this was a concern for me because he never heard my voice until he was born.  

Complicated feelings and emotions are involved in the surrogacy process from the beginning.  There is no question about that.  The key is to address these concerns before the surrogacy process has begun.  

I know what it feels like to carry a baby.  I have been pregnant 4 times and unfortunately suffered 4 miscarriages.  (due to anti-phosphlipid anti-body syndrome).  

Having a supportive partner, family and circle of friends truly helps.  Talking with couples who have gone through the surrogacy process is vital as well.  The constant updates I received about my surrogate and baby helped ease my nerves and also keep my excited about the arrival of my son.  There are many useful surrogacy books written by authors who have been Intended Parents…

*Surrogacy was the way: Twenty Intended Mothers tell their stories.  by, Zara Griswold

* I got drunk at my baby shower: Our successful surrogacy story.  by, Susan Bowen and Heidi Thompson

* The journey of same sex surrogacy: Discovering Ultimate Joy.  by, Jason Warner

Renting a short term apartment in Villahermosa, Mexico City & Merida

When I first came to Villahermosa I thought I would only be here for a few weeks…1 month maximum.  My son; Luca was born 6 weeks early and needed to stay in the NICU for 3 weeks, then MX passed a new law on the requirements for obtaining a birth certificate for babies born via surrogacy/abroad.  This was totally unfair and unfortunately out of my control.
* The requirements were documents from the U.S. and they needed to be translated and certified.


So after one month of living in a hotel with a preemie baby and spending an obscene amount of money every week, I decided it was time to look for an apartment or small house.  I have been very fortunate during my stay here and made incredibly kind friends.  They put in contact with my current landlord who happens to own multiple houses all over Villahermosa.  She offers long and short term leases.  I am happy to share her information with any contracted CARE client.


I am currently renting a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom house that is located on a private street and close to everything.  It's nice to be in a house where I can wash my own laundry and able to cook healthy meals.


There are many options to renting in Villahermosa because Tabasco is an oil rich state.  There are expats living here from other countries working.  You definitely will not have a problem finding something suitable for your family.  I suggest staying some what close to the hotel area though because Angeles Hospital; where you baby will be born, is in the same area.  Centro is too congested.

If you decide to rent a place in MX City (this stage is when you are ready to apply for the baby's passport).  I think it is best to stay in the Polanco area, as this is where the embassies are located.  There are also many hotels, but you never know how things will go on your first embassy visit.  And the point of this post is about saving money.  Hotels in MX City can be expensive.  When I traveled to MX City last July for my egg retrieval I rented a short term apartment for 1 month.  It was in Polanco.
This site is super helpful,
https://www.roomorama.com/short-term-rentals/mexico-city/?utf8=✓&search_origin=refine&order=&destination=mexico-city&algo=&d%5B%5D=&d%5B%5D=3327&number_of_rooms=&price_filter_radio=any&min_price=&max_price=&page=1

I love Merida.  Even if you do not decided to go through the Merida embassy I suggest you visit.  It is so beautiful and the people are very kind.  Merida has tons of options.  I am constantly seeing pop-up advertisements on Facebook and I have a few friends who are also renting in Merida.
*I would like to point out that going through the Merida embassy will delay you exiting MX and obtaining your child's passport.
Check out,
http://www.vrbo.com/vacation-rentals/mexico/yucatan-mayan-riviera/yucatan/merida

Peace, Love & CARE,
Carmela

Stocking your Daddy Diaper Bag

Having a well stocked diaper bag is key to getting out the door and being prepared for the unexpected.  The days of rushing out are gone.  Believe me!  This baby will add at least 30 minutes to your efforts of being anywhere on time.

If you are not already an organized person I suggest you become one. LOL!

I receive a lot of help from my boyfriend with Luca and I am fortunate that he is experienced with babies and children.  To make things a bit easier on the three of us I created a diaper bag inventory list so he/we have everything needed for Luca while out and about.

Men and simple creatures.  There is no need to make the list overwhelming.  This can also be used for your nanny or grammy too.

• Changing Pad
• Diapers/1 per hour
• Baby Wipes and Diaper Rash Cream
• Hand Sanitizer
• Disposable Bags
• 2-3 Baby Bottles & Filtered Water
• Baby Formula
• Blanket & Burp Cloth
• Pacifier w/clip on attachment/Teething ring 
• Sunblock
• Tissues
• Hat
• Phone Charger
• Emergency Phone #'s

This inventory list will change as your baby grows.  Eventually baby formula will be replaced with baby food and snacks.  On my emergency phone number list I have Luca's pediatrician, my ex-husband and my mother.  

I hope this helps you stock your daddy diaper bag and get out of the house on time.  

Peace, Love & CARE,

Carmela 

Carmela answers- Is CARE a scam?

Is CARE Surrogacy Center Mexico a scam?



It's a legitimate question and one I am asked by all who inquire about surrogacy in Mexico.  I have read dozens of articles just on the FBI website where American companies as well as individuals are running  surrogacy scams on intended parents and surrogate mother's.  

According to the Federal Bureau of Investigation; Three women pled guilty in San Diego, CA admitting to taking part in a scheme to illegally create an inventory of babies to sell to unwitting would-be parents for fees of between $100,000 and $150,000 each.  The three took advantage of couples who desperately wanted children, offering them seemingly legitimate surrogacy situations.  They also took advantage of women recruited as “gestational carriers” to carry pregnancies to term after having embryos transferred to their uterus's.  

The defendants in this case included two lawyers who specialized in reproductive law: Theresa Erickson, a well-known California attorney, and Hilary Neiman, who operated an adoption/surrogacy agency in Maryland.  The third conspirator was Carla Chambers of Nevada, who served as the “surrogacy facilitator.” Together, they circumvented surrogacy regulations that say contracts between surrogates and intended parents must be executed before a pregnancy occurs…and lied to surrogates, intended parents, and the California family court. www.fbi.gov

The women found guilty in this case took advantage of the intended parents vulnerability and the kindness of the surrogate mother's.  

First, and most importantly you should never go into surrogacy with any agency that doesn't have an attorney whom specializes in reproductive law.  And if they do not have an attorney that works for them you should research and consult with one.  This was a huge deciding factor for me when I made the decision to go with CARE.  You aren't buying a car.  From the moment you decide to embark on the baby making journey your heart is in it…not just your wallet.  I cannot emphasize enough how imperative it is to have a reproductive attorney.  

Surrogacy abroad is complicated.  Every country has different laws…laws that a specialist have the education and experience to navigate through.  Ivan Davydov; CARE Surrogacy Center Mexico's in-house surrogacy and reproductive lawyer possesses the education, knowledge and work ethic to guide you through the ins and outs of surrogacy in Mexico.  I cannot imagine going through the end process without Ivan.  Especially when there are law changes in Mexico, new requirements with the U.S. Embassy.  Trust me, you need someone who knows Mexico and knows surrogacy law. 

I did not use an egg or sperm donor.  My son comes from my egg and my ex-husband's sperm.  We did gestational surrogacy.  Our surrogate mother was pre-screened before she was even consider eligible for surrogacy.  There are laws in Mexico to protect her as well.  This was very important to me.  I detest agencies who have all of the surrogate mothers in a run-down dormitory, all living together away from their families.  That's no way to treat someone who is giving you the most precious blessing you will ever receive.  My surrogate lived at home with her family, went to her job every day, saw her OBGYN on a regular basis, as well as a psychologist.  I received weekly updates about her health and the health of my son.  

I did research of my own about the CARE staff and the doctors before making my final decision.  I wanted to know where everyone was educated, did their residency/internship and if there were any bad reviews.  The truth is I did not find anything negative.  The owners of CARE have been providing infertility/surrogacy services with their other companies for over 11 years in other countries.  Some of the doctors have been educated in the United States and are affiliated with U.S. hospitals.  

You are the one who has to feel comfortable and reassured that you are making the right decision for your family.  I offer every intended parent I communicate with the same advice.  Set a side some time, come to Mexico City, meet our CARE staff and the wonderful doctors.  Tour the facilities.  This is exactly what I did!  


CreatingAFamily.org offers special tips for avoiding surrogacy/egg donation scams, http://www.creatingafamily.org/infertility/resources/top-ten-tips-for-avoiding-a-surrogacy-or-egg-donation-scamfraud.html

CARE is obviously not a scam.  I have a healthy baby boy to prove it.  But I do understand your concerns and questions and that is why I am always available to chat with anyone who is interested in learning more about CARE Surrogacy Center Mexico.  

Miscarriage during Surrogacy for Giuliana & Bill Rancic

This is an extremely important read and something I try my best to educate our Intended Parents about. Even in natural pregnancy miscarriage can occur.  It is mother nature's way of taking care of the baby if something is not 100% in the womb.  Please know that I take miscarriage very serious as I have suffered 4 of them in my life.  

I have followed Giuliana and Bill Rancic since they got married.  I cried with them during their first miscarriage, cancer and when they welcomed their baby boy Duke Edward into the world via surrogate mother.  This saddens me that they have to endure this pain once again, but sometimes these things happen and it's important to keep in mind that they also happen in surrogacy. 

I have found that keeping positive and grateful helps get through this unimaginable loss…and of course family and friends.  

http://blogs.babycenter.com/celebrities/guliana-rancics-surrogate-miscarriage-06012014-pregnancy-loss-duke/?scid=fb_wallPost

Packing list for CARE Surrogacy Mexico Intended Parents

Last week I posted a packing list for your baby.  But we cannot forget about you!

Villahermosa is a tropical monsoon climate.  According to Wikipedia, temperatures during spring and summer seasons reach upwards of 40°C (104 °F), with humidity levels hovering around 30% during the same period (for total humidity-adjusted temperatures in the high forties).  During its short "winter", Villahermosa's climate is very humid but daytime temperatures decrease to around 28°C (82 °F).

It is imperative that you pack cotton clothing…you want something that breathes.  Nylon and polyester are miserable in the tropics.  Also talcum powder.  I live in sleeveless cotton tops, shorts, maxi dresses and linen carpi's. Clothing that dries quickly has become quite popular in the travel market and is key in humid climates.  The clothing can be washed at night in your hotel sink and be dry by morning.  (yes, you will be washing in the sink at least once…I am sure of it!)  Use the hotel laundry service or you can find an inexpensive laundry service near your hotel neighborhood. 

In addition to the clothing you should pack sandals, flip flops and sneakers (with cotton socks).  SPF, hats, sunglasses, swim suit, swim suit cover-up's, a reusable water bottle, mosquito repellent (this place is swarming with them!), hand sanitizer, and not that you would forget…deodorant! LOL!

Keep in mind that you will not be in Villahermosa the entire time.  After you have received your baby's birth certificate you will need to travel to Mexico City to apply for the passport.  The weather is very different in Mexico City.  

According to World Travels, the weather in Mexico City, which is situated at an altitude of 2,300 metres above sea level, is moderate.  Mexico City has a subtropical highland climate, with pleasant summers and mild winters, and an annual average temperature of 64°F (18°C).  Seasonal variations in temperature are small, but May is the warmest month of the year, and January the coldest, when night frosts are possible.  The maximum temperatures of late spring and summer may reach up to 90°F (32°C), and the lowest winter temperatures reach 23°F (-5°C) in low-lying regions.  Mexico City has a high average annual rainfall, most falling in summer, the wettest month being July, and the driest month February.  Even during the summer rainy season, travelers are likely to get plenty of sunshine between showers.  Mexico City suffers from terrible air pollution and the city is often smoggy, with poor visibility.  This air pollution is at its worst during winter.  

For Mexico City it is important that you have a sweater or light jacket and an umbrella with you at all times.  The sun will be shining one minute and then it's pouring down rain the next.  You can definitely wear jeans, closed toed shoes and warmer clothing here.  

I am sure I will add/edit this list in the future.  As always…if you have any CARE Surrogacy related questions for me I am more than happy to chat with you.  

Happy Travels! 
Carmela 








The information provided on this site is general information regarding the surrogacy process in Mexico. The site reserves the right to change, modify, suspend or discontinue any or all parts of the Web Site or any Service at any time. The site does not intend for any of the information on this site to be regarded as medical or legal advice - it is meant as a general understanding or starting point for treatment details and processes before contacting a registered surrogacy provider. This site advises all individuals that surrogacy in Mexico is a complicated process and should not be entered into without the proper legal, medical and birthing support teams. The information you gather from the use of this site should not be used to enter a surrogacy process on your own.

Pediatricians in Villahermosa

Finding the right pediatrician in your home country is a necessary task.  Trying to find one in a foreign country that speaks English is like playing Where's Waldo!  (some of the websites say the doctors speak English but in reality they know how to say hello and thank you).


I really lucked out though with Luca's pediatrician.  I chose to use the same pediatrician that cared for him in the NICU.  He's amazing!  Really!  This man took care of my son since birth.  He hooked up his oxygen, gave him the proper medications for his tiny lungs, and checked on him 3 times a day.  When the time came to move Luca to a different hospital he rode with us in the ambulance and held Luca's small body in the incubator.  He was in contact with me via phone daily.  Some of you may say, he was doing his job but for me it was much more than that.  I did all of this a lone.  I didn't have anyone with me after Luca's birth and I can barley speak Spanish.  It was an incredibly stressful time for me and the doctors as well as the staff at Care Surrogacy Mexico went above and beyond to help Luca and myself. 

Luca has had all of his tests, check-up's, and shots with Dr. Arenas.  I highly recommend him as a pediatrician for you baby.  Yes, he speaks English! :-) 

Here is his contact information…please let him know how you heard about his services. 

José Arenas Benhumea

Médico Pediatra.

(993)3525735

Villahermosa, Tabasco/ Mexico